By kevin urenda, kluless70@hotmail.com
Date: 9 May 1999

the shield

If you only knew how 
much you hurt me
how I use my anger as a shield
to mask the pain that is always there
to hide the tears I refuse to ever cry
for the wounds you reopen 
sometimes never even knowing

The feelings I wear on my sleeve
are not always the deepest ones 
in my heart
for I am still afraid that you will
leave me all alone
taking your love away from me

That is why I cling so frantically to 
each shred of your love so that it does
not slip away

That is why I get so freaked out 
over every little slight
seeming to blow each one out of proportion

I don't act this way to hurt you
I don't get angry to control you
I want so desperately for you to love me
with all your heart
with all your mind
with all your soul
with all your body
that I don't know how to feel as if I am not losing you
every time something goes wrong
every time you hurt me
every time I do something stupid
every time I hurt you

I know I will never get everything I want
but I hold out hope for feeling 
in those little moments that make an 
entire lifetime worth living
that you love me completely
that I am the most important person in your world

For there is no amount of your love
too small to be worth fighting for
to my last breath

5/2/99