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By pix Submitted by pixiedevil24 Date: 2001 Jul 26 Comment on this Work [[2001.07.26.02.11.1172]] |
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dear journal, i think i'm stupid. I think i am just ignorant and blind. And helpless and pitifull. Sad and depressing. No hope. No, none for me. I suck! And my question for this night is, why can i have the guys i don't need, and need the guys i can't have? I must do it on purpose somehow, because it can't be a coincidence. The guys i get aren't bad guys, and in some cases they are better than the ones i want, all of them were hott, none of them had girlfriends. But i still can't get the ones i want. So what's the problem? Maybe confidence? I guess if i don't care as much about the guy i'm more relaxed or something. But that's not it. I just pick the unatainable ones. And even if they were physically unattached, they are emotionally attached to someone. Someone who they love and someone that i can not compete with because of their stupid commitment that they made on or without purpose and made with or without their own knowledge of commitment. No, attachment is the word. I picked the attached ones. And I guess that makes sence that i can get the unatteached ones and not the attached ones, but it doesn't make sence why i choose the attached ones to pick and not the unattached ones which are perfectly just as good but i come back to the "i am stupid" part and i pick the attached ones for some idiot reason. So i guess maybe that whole, "you always want what you can't have" thing. God, that has got to be true with me. I do want what i can't have. But i don't understand why i want those ones so bad, it's more like a need. So, let's review: John- nice, we had a lot in commen, we clicked like i had never done before with any guyBUT- he went out with my friend, and he's not a virgin. ben- it's more meaningful, but i've come to realize that he can be completely immature with girls, and there is a side to him that is really childish and annoying, but there is also a side to him that i love and feel so completely safe with, for some odd reason, BUT- he is in love with liz, or she is in love with him, one or the other, and either one is suckey for me josh- he is stupid and he leans me too far back when he kisses me, and he drinks too much, but that hasn't stopped me before daren- he's hott, and it gave rachel a little taste of what i can get, BUT- rachel, and he's kinda stupid matt- we get along so well and i feel like i could talk to him about anything But- i could fall to far and i have to move in a month and he has a girlfriend and he's too flakey, it's better for both of us if we don't start anything, plus i don't know how he feels about me, or if he knows how he feels about me. So basically, i have bad luck and it never works out. Even my guy friends suck at being friends. They are all flakey and liars. I hate guys, they lie and cheat and decieve. I just want to rule them and make them panicked and insecure like they make us, women, feel. damn the men. |