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By Taboo Date: 2001 Oct 22 Comment on this Work [[2001.10.22.08.47.27554]] |
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I had just turned drinking age, and was still a virgin. Now that's a dangerous combination. Since I was the youngest, of the group that I hung out with, my friends decided to take me out for my first drink. Did I say drink? or perhaps, drinks... And so we went to a popular watering hole. They also made it quite clear that besides drinking lessons, I also needed tips on how to pick up guys.. This was to be an initiation night. I was pretty much a rookie in both aspects, and certainly needed all the lessons I could get. There were eight of us that night., quite a table full. Dolled up and decked out, and ready to kill. My first lessons consisted of flirting. I have never been any good at flirting. I can't do it without turning a blushed red. And I hate making a fool of myself, and I do that rather well.. The music was playing and we were all swaying. The liquor was pouring and we were all warming...... up... My second lessons had to do with types of drinks, and how to order them. Let's see, they fed me with tons of information about mixing drinks.... like I was going to be a bartender or something. Speaking of bartenders, that's the best part of this story, but I'll get to that later...... Let's see, where was I...... oh yes..... mixing drinks. We discussed white russians, zombies, old fashions, screw drivers, margeritas, manhattans, martinis, daquiri's, grasshoppers, pina coladas, to name just a few. My head was beginning to spin, and of course, the screw drivers that I was downing, did not help things much. Then they told me about a special drink called a "slow comfortable screw". A what ? ? ? Oh come on...... they had to be teasing me.... That doesn't sound like a drink..... it sounds like something you do after you drink...... But no.... they insisted that it really was a drink made up of a sloe gin fizz, southern comfort, and a screw driver..... Ok..... Maybe I can see that..... They told me that it will knock you on your ass fast..... and at this point, I was well on my way....... and wanting to be knocked some more. I finally agreed to trying one..... Now the most brilliant lady of our group, decided that we could kill two birds with one stone. I could order this new delicious drink, thus proving that it does really exist, and that they had not made it up...... and also, I could get to taste it first hand, and see if I liked it.... And also this could be part of an initiation rite for me....... They dared me to go up to the really cute bartender, that I had been eyeing all evening, and order my "slow comfortable screw" from him..... NO, NOPE.... nope.... I could not do that..... How could I look a hunk of a man in the eyes..... and order a drink that sounded like an offer for sex ??? NOPE - that was just out of the question.... I would rather die..... Now, I had really gotten their goat this time.... They were determined that this HAD TO BE my initiation rite into drinking and dating..... They were determined to embarass me..... It took several more screw drivers.... and hell, I was getting braver by the moment..... At last, finally, I had drunk myself into enough nerve to do anything..... even THAT !!! They instructed me on what to order, and how to order it...... I kept repeating it to myself over, and over, and over..... as I mustered the courage to salter forward toward the bar. "slow comfortable screw,... slow comfortable screw..... slow comfortable screw...... slow comfortable screw.... ok, I think I got it now.. And so, I bellied up to the bar, after having staggered several feet from the table to the vicinity of the cute hunky bartender, all the while reciting the chant that I knew I could repeat perfectly now. Damn, the wrong bartender came up to me to check on my order. Stupefied, I motioned him away with my hand..... and pointed to Mr. Hottie...... His hair was ebony black, his eyes were sky blue, and his dimpled smile made me wonder if maybe it was time to give up my virginity...... I motioned to him with my finger, to come toward me.... By this time he was grinning wide...... Once he got really close to me..... I stopped motioning with my finger. I whispered my order in slurred speech. Unable to pickup what I was saying, he asked me to repeat it. By this time, my friends had all come to the bar, to listen and see if I could pass the initation rite, to make sure that I would not back out on their dare. And I didn't back out..... clear as a bell, I repeated my order.... "bartender please may I have..... I want...... I want......I want a GOOD OLD FASHIONED SCREW...." Finally, I had done it..... I had passed the test. I was so proud of myself...... I did it....... So why was everyone roaring in laughter? Why was the bartender's face red? What's wrong? What the hell is wrong? So mix the damn drink and stop laughing. The bartender came out from behind the bar and motioned me toward the ladies room. Stupefied, I followed. What was wrong? I had said it loud enough..... I said it right !!! I was sure that I had. Upon reaching the bartender, he bent over and softly whispered into my ear.... "I don't get off until 3am..... do you think you can wait until then ?" Oh my god..... what the hell did I say.....??? I staggered back to the table, where all my friends were holding their sides and falling all over the floor...... cackling like wounded hyenas.... I was not impressed..... They couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell me what the hell was wrong? Why didn't he make me the drink.... like they promised he would? Well I didn't stay conscious long enough to meet Mr. Bartender at 3am. But I did go back there several months later, after the embarassment had worn off...... To try a "Slow Comfortable Screw"...... and boy was it ever good !!!! ~ ~ ~ |