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By pix Submitted by pixiedevil24 Date: 2001 Oct 22 Comment on this Work [[2001.10.22.22.12.20416]] |
| This is sort of like a letter, only i know that i would never have the guts to give this to you, so it's more like a rambeling of the thoughts in my head. I'm doing this because i know that i will be totally honest when i write this, because no one will ever read this, at least not anyone i know or care about reading it. anyways, to be totally honest. i broke the number one rule. I got emotionally attatched. that's the difference between guys and girls. guys never get emotionally attached after they hook up wih a girl, or maybe they just do a better job at not showing it. but i got attached, and i ended up showing it. not directly, i never came out and told you, but you knew, i could tell you knew y the way you blew me off. it's ok, i sort of expected it. i mean, how much can you respect me when i went as far as i did with you the first night i really met you. and i thought it wouldn't be like that with you, the first time i met you anyways. i thought that you were cool and everything, but just as some guy that knew chase,not as a guy that i would hook up with. i thought that you were out of my league. and i was right. when i'm sober, you are out of my league. but when i've been drinking, or not even with the alcohol, but when i'm dancing, i just come alive. i am not myself, i'm so much more, and i feel so confident and sure of myself, i think i can get anyone, and hey, i got you. i've gotten most of the guys i wanted, maybe i've been turned down once in my life. anyways, i just want it to be clear to me that friday night was the most amazing experience that i have ever had. I can't think of a time when it was more passionate. I've never been into it like i was that night, and the only thing that was running through my mind when we were kissing was how amazing everything was. how amazing you were, and how everything you did was so woderful and how i've never had it that good. you just are not my type at all, and that's why it caught me off gaurd. i have a perfect molded image in my mind of the kind of guys that i want, and you just don't fit it at all, i mean we even mentioned that when we were talking. but it still worked. everything worked with you. even the things that i don't usually like, like when you starting kissing my ear, i never liked that before, but with you, it was great. you just took over me, everything you did just got inside me and made me feel absolutly alive and beautiful. i was scared to death. i'm a virgin and it's hard enough to hold onto that, but the way i was feeling, it was going to be impossible to stay a virgin after the night was through, that's why i had to make you leave. if we didn't stop when we did, i think we might have done everything, and i didn't want it to be like that. i knew you wouldn't respect me after a thing like that, and i guess that's more imortant to me than sex. but i just want you to know that everything you did was right and wonderful and amazing, and i understand how you might be uncomfortable around me, that's ok, but you have to know that i'l never forget you or that night, it's forever in my memory, just unforgetable, and i WAS hurt the next night when you ignored me, but hey, i understand, that's how it's saposed o be, it's saposed to be like that, it's saposed to be a one night thing, i knew that, but you were just so amazing that i wanted more. but i'm still scared of you and how you make me feel, so keep your distance, i think it's better. just let me look at you once in a while so i can smile and remember holding your hand, kissing you, dancing with you, and feeling the way i did. let me remember how amazing you are and i'll be fine, but i swear, i don't know how i could get any better. and maybe there is a chance that we can be together again, i know you smiled when morgane said my name to you, so maybe behind it all, you had a wonerful night too, i know you did, i'm sorry for not finishing something that i started, but i guess i leaned from it, and i know i'll see you again. good luck. |