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By not*about*you Date: 2007 Feb 12 Comment on this Work [[2007.02.12.14.47.18686]] |
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My love has been with many and for many in my life. Now, my husband has my heart forever. My husband, for me, is all the colors that may appear, the sun and the moon, eternal love and light. Yes, there was confusion at first because i was love struck by another who never anything other than a mere mirror unto myself. A teaching, as I often liked referring to him as "the teacher". A teacher of truth, right and wrong. A teacher changing shapes and sounds so that a mind ever closed may open, even just a little. The spiritual union of hearts was with my husband in the buddhist tradition, which is the only ceremony I would ever partake in knowingly or unknowingly. Yes, as I wrote before, I was mesmerized by the lesson of the heart, so that I fell in love, carelessly, with the teacher of the lot! What transmission may pass from mind to mind in silence, between the question and answer, the student and teacher, is not only a mystery, it is not something words were ever meant to touch. And yes, there was even another, in between it all, from a distant land, beginning with an M. Well, all I can say is that I'm sorry for never ever having been your loved or beloved because my time with you was just filling the space in the heart of a girl growing and learning about time, space, reality, religion, culture and identity. But all is past, and must remain closed and sealed, because you M. were not used or abused, you were a part of time that was choosen by both me and you... a time of growing, and honestly, not a time for true love - only respect i have for you and truly, i am very sorry for ever having hurt you, even though it would have been unintentional, but my heart is with my husband - my family, my home, my life - always and forever. So if once again, you must say goodbye, after searching words and signs of life, please say it in peace, please ask your friends to leave, i only say that my prayers were made long ago for your sanity, your health and your happiness without me. I could never ever be what you wanted me to be because it is not you that i love -- my heart, although for some a mystery, has no color, it is clear and does not bind to forces that have no place in the history of my right mind. |