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By Elaina Submitted by blue sky to your clouds Date: 2001 Nov 16 Comment on this Work [[2001.11.16.02.55.6613]] |
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Once again I can't sleep. Over analyzing, searching for truth but, as always, finding nothing. The tears won't stop, and I've stopped fighting them. I've surrendered to the pain, as much as I didn't want to admit you hurt me. To my surprise I've played the fool, but in a weird twisted way only I would understand...so did you. Maybe if I actually closed my eyes I could sleep, but then I'd start thinking of you, and I don't want to. In all truth I wish I could forget you, I wish so much that I could hate you. I'm dreading seeing you. Now I know what has been keeping you too BUSY to talk to me. I hoping your too busy with her to even make appearance that I'll see. Knowing my luck you'll waltz in trying to be my friend...well I'm sorry to say, but you aren't a friend. Friends don't play with each others heads, friends don't pretend to be something they are not, or say things they do not mean. You are so right I'm being so immature...do you hate me yet? Perhaps if you hate me, I'll be able to hate you. Because I trying to hate you would be so much easier than trying to love...I've decided that's impossible. Love might as well not even exist to you. Some people just can't face their fears...cowards, yup and you're one of them. I'm not saying you were afraid to love, I know now you just liked knowing someone would do anything for you, follow you anywhere and love you still have you've ripped their heart out...more than once. I wish I could yell at you, tell you exactly how I feel all that's bubbling and molding... rotting. But all at the same time I don't ever want to talk to you again. I'm trying so hard, not to give in and talk to you. But I guess I've kind of failing, because I'm sure you'll read this. And maybe if I'm lucky, you'll play the same game I am...oh and you are? Get my POINT...AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR? THE GAMES ARE OVER...THE FUN IS OVER. BITE ME! You really are a coward...you couldn't even call me, you send me nasty e-mails out of no where and expect me to be ok. Fool. Maybe I only played the fool in a weird, twisted, way only I would understand, and maybe you just plain played the fool, or better yet volunteered for the part. My completely here and there thoughts probably irritate you...GOOD! I hope you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly think you have compassion. I hope your happy in that lie. Although the truth hurts, you can't live in a lie forever. So maybe I should feel lucky, I escaped before it killed me, or perhaps I'm already dead. Who am I fooling? I'm a love-sick fool, all because of you. |